While I was vegetating on my sofa last Saturday and trying not to visit my toilet bowl that often I received a text message. It was from a former friend whom I had not seen for ages. 6 years probably.
He asked if we could meet and I was very happy. That meeting was due on Tuesday. I told him before that I wouldn't regard this as a date because I'm not dating at the moment and I'm surely not looking for a new boyfriend.
Sounds like much ado about nothing? Well, he was the one who told me that he was being single for 2 years and that it is so hard to find a decent woman. To me it sounded pretty much as if he had been laying in his bed and wondering who he hadn't seen for a long time and then he had fallen for a pretty imagination.
I mean, 6 years ago I was dressed in flares and I had short black hair and wore those ugly platform shoes 
Up to our meeting he sent me loads of strange text messages which made me think he must be very desperate which was intelligible - to be honest and mean - when I saw him last Tuesday. He used to be very brawny and his workout behaviour was almost slavish but right now it seems as if he's not interested in his body anymore. He said something about 1.3 stone plus but it looked like 3 stone plus at least.
Nevertheless I had a nice evening but it had nothing to do with a date. It was just catching up about each other's lives. I told him about my last mistakes and the fact I have the wrong touch with males, but he didn't seem impressed he just looked at me as if I was one of the wonders of the world. I insisted on repeating that I don't want anyone to break my heart in the near future.
When I was back home he sent messages saying that he wants to see me again as soon as possible and that this was a wonderful DATE.
COME AGAIN???
This was no date at all. When I pointed that out he replied "So what the hell do you think it was? Reunion with an old friend?"
Well, exactly, you got it.
I immediately called my best friend and we slacked him off a bit - until I suddenly was petrified with horror. I remembered that he is working for my mobile phone service provider and that he's a technician and maybe able to tap my calls. I felt very sick because I remembered every detail of our prattle.
No, I'm not necessarily a nice person...
Paranoia added... fine! But he had also informed himself about my contract details, so this must not be paranoia but the truth.
The day before yesterday he suddenly stopped text messaging because he was mortally offended. I told him that I was reading a book about intelligence and he asked if the book states that intelligence is only existing within males and I replied "How sweet your misbelief is!"
Well, that's that... Rumours have it, he is a woman actually the way he's bickering...
Just in case he listened to the telephone call yesterday: Yes, Tom, it is true that the non-date with you showed me clearly with whom my treacherous heart is obsessed.... but that is another story and shall be told another day....
